


Stop The World, I Want To Get Off (With You)

by FredandGeorgeasaurusRex



Category: Arctic Monkeys, Indie Music RPF
Genre: Addiction, Drug Abuse, Getting Clean, Happy Ending, Heroin, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-01-24 12:16:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1604849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FredandGeorgeasaurusRex/pseuds/FredandGeorgeasaurusRex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is a drug addict and Miles wants to help him</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My story does not whatsoever correlate with the actual side effects of heroin – I researched it and it involves hours of violent shivering/fever, muscle ache and just general pain. But I didn’t want it to be that kind of story, so the way Alex reacts is similar to that of just a lot of drinking. So, I apologise for those inaccuracies.

Alex leaned on the balcony, the cold bar digging in the pale skin of his wrists. He took a long drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out slowly. The smoke dissipating amongst the grey clouds in the night sky fascinated his tripped out mind.

  
Some bitch was yacking on her mobile phone on the pavement below him, talking loudly about fuck all he cared about, and oblivious to her silent observer. Alex smirked and tapped the end of his cigarette, watching the ash fall down into her blonde hair. ‘Merry fucking Christmas’ he muttered.

  
Absorbed as he was in his ridiculous task and thoughts, Alex was unaware that Miles had sidled up beside him.

  
Miles hesitated before speaking. He hadn’t wanted them to come out to this party – he knew Craig, Alex’s supplier, would be here. He prayed Alex was still sober, from drugs at least.

  
‘Hey Al’ he said softly, ‘what you up to?’

  
The second Alex turned to look at him, he knew that his prayers had been futile. Alex’s pupils were blown wider than he’d ever seen them – almost. But Miles didn’t want to remember that night; that terrible night when Alex had stumbled back to their flat after being missing for 2 days, shaking and shivering, eyes blank, not reacting to anything. Miles had been so, so close to just giving up – giving Alex up to a clinic, a home, somewhere he could get better. But Alex had good days too, when he didn’t touch his drugs at all, where he was fun and playful and acted like Miles was his whole world, like he had in the early days. Those months full of laughter and music and the sweet sensation of falling in love. They seemed like decades ago now.

  
‘MILES!’ Alex shouted ‘Bout time you joined the bloody party, mate! You always mope about, don’t you, instead of having fun. Why won’t you have FUN with me, Miles?’ Alex was leaning in proper close now, and Miles could smell tobacco and weed and whiskey and sweat. Not that perfect ‘Alex’ smell Miles had grown used to, and loved.

  
‘Alex’ Miles sighed, ‘you can’t keep doing this’

  
‘Doing what, Miles?! Just a bit of fun! And look!’ Alex tapped the cigarette again. Miles grabbed his wrist ‘Al, stop – look at me. Are you sure you don’t want to go home?’

  
Alex shook his wrist out of Miles’ grip. ‘Fuck off then Kane, fuck off home if you want to. Last time I take you to a party.’

  
Miles bites his lip so hard he tastes blood. ‘Alex…’ he pleads softly, knowing the futility before he even says it.

  
‘When did you stop caring about having fun, Miles? When did you turn into a boring old sod?’ Alex spits out.

  
‘I don’t know, Alexander, maybe when my- my…you starting caring more about the next time he could shoot up than spending time with me. Maybe it was when checking your arms for track marks seemed hardly worth the effort – because I knew they’d be there anyway. You’re wasting yourself, and I’m wasting my time. But I still do it. Because I fucking love you, and you don’t give a shit, but I can’t bring myself to not care.’

  
Alex was silent for a long time, facing out towards the empty street. Miles felt hopeful, like Alex was finally, finally, considering what he was saying. When the time that had passed begun to feel like too long, Miles reached out and tentatively touched Alex’s shoulder. Gleaning no response, he turned the older lad to face him slightly. Alex was asleep.

  
‘Bugger me, Alex. That was an important speech and all. Better than any of yours have ever been, anyway.’ Miles shifted Alex until his the man’s limp arm was over his shoulder, and Miles was supporting him. He began the long and difficult walk downstairs, where he hailed a taxi.

  
Alex stirred long enough for Miles to shove him in the taxi, but was luckily still limp enough for him to be cooperative. Miles flopped on the seat next to him, sighing a long breath out through his nose. Alex smooshed his face into Miles’ jacket, curling against him in the cramped backseat. Miles tried to shift away; ‘Al, get off, come on’ but Alex simply pressed against him harder. Miles sighed again, accepting the fact that they were now clearly in the ‘cuddle phase’ of Alex’s drunk endeavours. It was a regular thing when Alex was drunk, but seemed to be happening less and less often the more Alex used heroin.

  
The taxi pulled up, Miles paid the guy, and dragged Alex out. As soon as they were on the pavement the taxi screeched off, leaving them shivering under the orange streetlight just down the road from their shared flat. Alex swayed slightly, still gripping the lapels of Miles’ leather jacket as if his life depended on it. Miles slowly wrapped his arms around the man, taking in the feel of his body – something he didn’t get to do anymore. It had been so long since he and Al had spent those mornings together, limbs tangled under messy blankets, slender fingers sharing a cigarette. Miles thought about earlier that evening, when he had been unable to define their relationship – they were obviously way past the point of just friends, but Alex would have flinched at the term boyfriend, as he always did, and fuck buddy seem too casual. Miles knew they had something more, he swore it, and even if he spent years helping Alex get clean, he knew he could, god help him.

  
‘Alex, mate, come on, we’ve got to get inside, it’s bloody freezing’, said Miles, trying to prise Alex away from him. Alex murmured something unintelligible and shifts slightly, from where his forehead is resting on Miles’ shoulder until his lips are on Miles’ collarbone. Miles jerks back involuntarily and Alex tilts forwards, unable to hold himself up. Miles dashes forwards and catches him, on pure reflex.

  
‘Ah, fuck it’, Miles says as he leans over, catches Alex’s legs over one of his arms and heaves him up until Miles is carrying him, princess-style. Alex has gone absolutely green from the sudden tilting his world has just experienced and Miles hurries off down the road towards their building – he will absolutely not risk vomit all down his new suit jacket. By the time they have travelled up in the lift and Miles is fumbling with his keys outside the door, Alex has perked up considerably. He is now leaning nonchalantly on the wall, perfectly able to stand, even though he insisted on Miles carrying him the whole way, even in the lift.

  
Once they were both in the flat, Miles didn’t even look at Alex before muttering a ‘see you in the morning’ and locking himself in his room. He didn’t know if Alex was going to remember any of this in the morning, or if he had heard what Miles had said on the balcony, or if Alex would have even cared about any of it.

 

xxxxx


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience with me in uploading this chapter! As always, i have completely ignored all the true side effects and symptons of heroin, so sorry if you were hoping for something factual. Enjoy!!! xxxxx

Miles woke at about 12 noon the next morning, sunlight burning his eyeballs through his thin curtains. Judging by the various banging sounds and muffled swearing coming from the kitchen, Alex is also awake. 

It all goes silent after a few moments and Miles wonders whether this is actually a good thing, straining his ears for any signs that Alex is even still alive. Just as he is considering getting up to investigate, there was a loud ‘woomph’ sound and Alex shouted ‘SHIT. FUCKING SHIT MOTHERFUCKING SHIT BOLLOCKS ASS’

Miles dragged himself out of his cocoon of warm blankets and ran to the kitchen as fast as humanly possible for him, only pausing to grab one of the sheets to wrap around his naked body. He skittered into the room, barefeet slipping on the wood floors, to find Alex frantically flapping his trademark leather jacket at a frying pan that was completely aflame. Alex was still swearing and hopping from foot to foot, ineffectively shaking the jacket towards the fire – feeding it rather than putting it out. 

‘Alex, what the FU-‘ Miles was interrupted by the earsplitting screech of their smoke alarm, filling the already smoke filled room with noise. 

Miles calmly pushed Alex out of the way, grabbed the fire extinguisher from under the sink – where they had always kept it ¬– and spraying the pan with foam. He then reached over and opened a window, wafted the smoke out and shut off the fire alarm.

Miles looked over at Alex, expecting to receive at least some sort of hero treatment from the younger lad – after all, he had just saved his life. 

Instead, Alex was simply standing there, jaw loose and completely silent. This was usual behaviour for him normally – Miles was the one who could never shut up – but Miles would expect him to be at least saying something, considering he’d basically saved his life. He continued to stare at him quizzically, noticing a red flush slowing spread across the man’s pale cheeks.

‘Al, what is it man, Jesus, you look like you’ve seen a – fuck, I don’t even know’

Alex grew even redder and said, ‘Miles, er, you’re naked’

Miles looked down to see the sheet he had grabbed pooled on the floor a few feet away. He grinned and walked over to reach it, deliberately wiggling his hips as he did so.

‘So what, Al, you’ve seen me naked loads of times before!’ Miles laughed, wrapping the sheet around his waist again.

‘Yeah, but not since-‘ 

Alex didn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t need to. They both knew the incident he was referring to, that awful night they had both made a silent pact never to speak of. And Miles realised with a jolt, he was right. They hadn’t consciously been denying each other anything, but the dynamic had definitely shifted. They were less assured round each other, not the same ‘two halves of a whole’ they had been before. Miles tiptoed around Alex, worried he would provoke something, and Alex alternated between guiltily creeping around Miles or on a high rampage. 

Things never, ever got physical between them – something Miles was thankful for, because he didn’t think he’d have the heart to defend himself against Alex if it came to it. Despite the wreck Alex’s life had become, Miles would still value his above his own, take a bullet for Alex if he had to. 

And little known to Miles, Alex did have similar feelings. But it was an addiction, a vice – not something he could control. He would always, always give into temptation – as much as it killed him, as much as it hurt him to have to wake up the next morning and have more, fresh memories of Miles’ heartbroken face come flooding back. 

So they lived in this circle, this downward spiral. Alex would, inevitably, give into temptation, accept the latest party invitation or whatever it was. Miles would, inevitably, agreed to go with him, to make sure he was safe and came home. Alex would, inevitably, wake up the next morning feeling horribly guilty and try and find some way to make it up to him. Miles would, inevitably, withdraw even more as Alex behaved differently, as their whole relationship continued to change. This, inevitably, led to arguments, and the whole cycle would repeat itself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah...i completely made up an America's Next Top Model contestant, given that i don't watch the show at all, but it does remind me of something: FOLLOW MY TUMBLR! americasnexttopyodeller.tumblr.com xxx
> 
> please comment & kudos what you thought! next chapter will probably be the last, but thanks for reading x

Miles retreated back to his room after the kitchen incident, feeling weird after what Alex said. He wasn’t hungry, and there was no way he was eating the charred remains of whatever had been in that pan just to spare the boys feelings. 

He decided that what they really needed to do was talk. Just sit down, spill their feelings, and above all, stop fucking dancing around each other. Miles was tired of not being to move freely around the flat, of sitting a few feet away from Alex on the sofa, of dreading the phone ringing in case it was Steve or one of Alex’s other druggie friends, inviting them to another endless party. He was sick of it, he had literally reached breaking point, and now he’d made up his mind, nothing was going to bloody stop him. 

Miles showered and got dressed (carefully selected clothing, of course) and wandered out into the flat. Alex was draped across the sofa, one arm folded under his head watching, bizarrely, a re-run of America’s Next Top Model. 

‘Al, what the fuck?’ Miles grinned, sitting down, lifting up Alex’s legs and placing them in his lap. 

Alex smiled at the unexpected friendliness and laughed as well. ‘Don’t judge me mate, I know at least 20 of the minutes you spent in your room you were choosing what to wear’. 

Miles didn’t deny it – Alex knew him too well – but simply laughed and fingered one of the holes in Alex’s socks.

‘You really need to get some new socks, you tramp. These holes are ridiculous’

‘Well, you’d better get me some for my birthday then, hadn’t you? I expect you’ve already got some fantastic, elaborate present and surprise party planned though, of course’

Miles stilled. Shit. Alex’s birthday. Just over a week away. Christmas had been enough of a disaster as it was, with Miles escaping to his parents’ house without Alex in tow for the first time since they’d been teenagers. He’d come home on New Years Eve to find their sad, undecorated Christmas tree already gone and their flat conspicuously devoid of Christmas cheer. 

Alex sensed Miles’ discomfort and laughed again.

‘I’m kidding mate, you don’t have to get me anything, I haven’t exactly been boyfriend of the year lately, I realise.’

Miles went still, again, for a whole other reason. They were boyfriends? That was definitely news to him. He had been labouring under the impression that Alex was completely afraid of commitment and that they were just extremely close friends with a habit of fucking around. And blowjobs. And lazy making out on Sunday mornings. And going on holidays together, and being practically adopted by each other’s parents….shit. They were boyfriends. Miles was fucking blind. 

‘I’m sorry, Al, babe. I completely forgot. I’m a horrible person. But you better clear your calendar for next week, because I will make sure it is fucking spectacular.’

Alex merely shook his head and replied, ‘Babe? That’s not one I’ve heard before. You trying it out, along with your newly affectionate ways?’

‘Well, as you did so kindly attempt to make me breakfast this morning – attempt being the operative word – maybe this is my way of returning the favour.’

Alex took this as a cue to shuffle even further up the sofa towards Miles until he was practically sitting on his lap, and kiss him softly on the lips. Miles eagerly returned the kiss, realising how much he’d missed the contact, the buzzing his whole body got from being near Alex. He wondered if this feeling was what Alex got when he shot up. Maybe he should ask him? Would that be weird? Probably. They never talked about Alex’s ‘habit’, apart from when they were arguing. Oh God, he was so distracted. Kissing. Right.

Miles softly licked the corner of Alex’s lips and the other man’s mouth eagerly opened up under his. 

Miles pulled away, eliciting a whine from Alex that made him chuckle. 

‘Alex, we need to stop. Just now I mean. I have absolutely no problem with resuming these activities afterwards. I just…I wanted to talk to you.’

‘I think it’ll be Zoe’

‘What??? What the actual fuck are you on about??’

‘Zoe. On America’s Next Top Model. I think she’ll win. I assumed that was what you were distracted by’

‘No it fucking wasn’t, you bellend! Christ, you think Tyra Banks is more interesting than you? That’s fucked up’

They were both silent, Alex still resting on Miles’ lap with his head on his shoulder.

‘So what then? What was it you wanted to talk about?’

‘You. Us. Me. Whatever. What we’re doing. It can’t continue forever.’

‘I know mate, I need a piss already and I think the ANTM marathon only has 3 episodes left.’

‘Alex! Fucking stop it, alright? You always fucking dance around the topic. You know what I’m saying. I can’t go on like this, and neither can you. It’s ruining you, you’re so thin and always so pale and I worry, mate, I worry like crazy…’

‘But I can’t just stop. I can’t. And you know I’m not the worst out there, compared to other musicians like us I’m practically the bloody Mother Theresa.’

‘Can’t you try? There are ways, you know it, you can stay somewhere for a while, they’ve got medication…’

Alex cut him off. ‘I’m already medicated enough, don’t you think?’ He was up now, striding across the room in three long strides, pacing. ‘So what, you want to fucking lock me up, like I’m a disgrace, like I’m not worthy of being with the great Miles Kane?’

Miles stayed silent, thinking ‘to be honest, mate, I didn’t even know I was with you until about 20 minutes ago, so don’t even try and take that road’. 

Alex stopped pacing and sank down onto his knees on the carpet. He covered his face with his hands and, much to Miles’ consternation, started sobbing. 

‘I tried so fucking hard Miles. I swear, I did. But it was too much. I couldn’t be it, what everyone wanted me to be, that guy, and…And then there was you. I felt like I had to be perfect for you, all the time, because you’re so perfect. You’re a great musician, and a great guy in general. And I always felt like I had to do something to live up to your expectations.’

‘I didn’t HAVE any expectations, Alex, you great TWAT. I fell in love with you for you, not some image you had to portray to keep the fans happy or whatever!’

‘You-you fell in love with me? You love me?’

‘Christ, Al, I love you. So much it scares me sometimes. It scares me that when I wake up, the first thing I think of is you, and it scares me knowing that whatever you do to hurt me, I will still be there by your side. Sometimes it scares me because when you kiss me, I get these crazy butterflies in my stomach and I worry that its appendicitis.’ 

Alex grinned soppily, tear tracks still shining on his face but no longer flowing.

‘Go on then, now you’ve started. What else do you love about me?’

‘Egotist. I love the way you always attempt cooking, even though we both know that you and the kitchen are a match made in hell. I love the way your hair curls at the ends when you’ve just come out the shower and it’s wet. I love the way you know what I’m thinking, and you know what I want before I even say it. And I could probably be persuaded to do anything by that puppy dog face you pull because your eyes are my ultimate fucking weakness.’

‘Christ. That’s a lot to take in.’

‘Yeah, I know, I’m cheesy, fuck off’.

Alex rose from the floor and crossed the room, wrapping his arms around Miles and breathing slowly into his neck, their bodies so tightly pressed together, not a centimetre was left between them. 

‘OK’ he whispered.

‘Ok what?’ Miles replied, confused, pulling away slightly to look Alex in the eyes.

‘OK, I’ll do it. I’ll go to rehab, I’ll get clean. I’ll stop seeing Steve and Charlie and Baz, and I’ll stop going to those parties, and most importantly, I’ll stop making you unhappy. Because I really, really hate that I ever made you feel like that.’

Now it was Miles’ eyes that shone with tears, though he would never admit it when they reminisced on the moment. 

Alex continued: ‘As long as you promise me one thing.’

Miles became worried again, and warily replied, ‘What? Anything you like, that I can do, I swear I’ll do it’.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the prize for predictable plot twist of the year goes to me...but i am so, so sorry for this chapter.  
> It is short, but i hope to have the next (longer one) up before Thursday, when i leave for Italy!!!!  
> This won't be the last chapter! there'll be at least 2 more!  
> xx

Alex stared into Miles’ eyes for a long moment while Miles’ heart sank lower and lower in his chest.

‘Marry me’ Alex finally blurted, breaking the heavy silence.

‘Wh-what? You’re not serious’ Miles stuttered, heart pounding and head spinning.

‘I think many people would be of the opinion that marriage is very serious, actually. And I am, I swear. 100%’

‘Fuck, Alex. You can’t just do this. Yeah, sure, we’ve been happy, but recently? We’ve barely had a relationship, let alone a happy and stable one. Before this morning I’d been considering leaving you completely. What we were…are…I don’t know. It wasn’t healthy.’

‘Who needs healthy? We’re fucking young, Miles! We’re supposed to love unhealthy things! Booze, cigarettes, deep fried Mars bars…each other.’ Alex grabbed Miles’ hand, kissing the knuckle. ‘You know there’s no other endgame here, right? It’s just us. It always was going to be. I felt it, you know, before France, the album, all of this. When it was just you and me making eye contact that I swear lasted for days in a sweaty bar in a bad part of Sheffield. It was us’ 

‘No. I’m sorry, Alex, but no. I do love you, and you love me, but there’s no way I can make a commitment like this. What, I promise you everything this morning and then by tonight you’ve gone off again on another endless high with your awful friends leaving me here wondering if I’ll ever even see you again? I can’t put myself through that, however much I love you. Get clean first, Al, and then we’ll do the rest of it.’

Miles dropped Alex’s hand and walked away, still with their eyes locked on each other’s. 

‘I’m going to stay at Matt’s for a bit, Alex, maybe a couple of days. When I’m back, we should talk about all of this, and about you. But not yet. I’ve…you’ve…’ Miles let out a long sigh. ‘You always were spontaneous, but Jesus…’

And with that, Miles went into his room, packed a small bag and grabbed his phone and jacket from the corner table. Alex stood in exactly the same place, stock still. 

Miles approached him and kissed him gently on the forehead.

‘I’ll be back, Al, I swear I will. I just need some time. I love you’

Alex still didn’t move, but flinched when the door slammed shut, leaving him with nothing but an empty flat and an empty heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I'm horrible. And i had a cliched ending. Dang  
> I swear, it really wasnt meant to go this way - i was going to have a super happy cute last chapter! but then i looked back at how they started and thought that it was pretty improbable.  
> This won't be the last chapter! there'll be at least 2 more!  
> thanks for reading xxxxxx


	5. Chapter 5

3 days later, and Alex was still alone. He was still sober, as well, something he considered a nothing but major miracle. He’d been endlessly bombarded with texts and calls from his usual ‘party mates’ at first, but eventually caved and turned his phone off to avoid the temptation of giving in and going out with them. He’d kind of given up on the idea of Miles ringing him anyway – if he was going to come home, he would.

Shit. He was suffering. It felt like his muscles were alternatively freezing, shattering and throwing themselves out of his body. His skin crawled with imaginary ants, and he scratched himself until he bled trying to get rid of them. He hadn’t opened the curtains or windows in the flat the whole time – his eyes felt shrivelled, and rejected any light stronger than the weak table lamp. His throat was unbelievably dry – he wasn’t sure if his voice even worked any more, but couldn’t muster up the energy to try. And above all he was cold. Even when he was sweating and shaking, he still wrapped himself in as many blankets as possible to stave off the constant, never ending cold. 

He knew he wasn’t eating enough, either – the milk had run out yesterday, and he had been eating handfuls of dry cereal straight out of the box since then. Given that it was the same box and it was still half full, it was either a magical bottomless box, or he wasn’t eating properly. Miles would throw a shit fit if he knew. 

Alex hacked another dry cough and sighed. Every single one of his spider web of thoughts led back to Miles. Every car he heard outside, he wondered if it was Miles, but his hope was dwindling fast. After all, why should Miles come back, really? He was better off without Alex, Alex knew that. He’d never given Miles anything but trouble and grief, and it was plain selfish to want him back… 

Alex closed his eyes and drifted off to a merciful sleep – which would probably only last mere hours before the racking pains woke him up again. 

***

The next time he woke up it was to a loud incessant banging on his door. 

“Fuck off!” he croaked – well, at least his voice did still work.

“Alex!” he heard a familiar voice shout. Alex just rolled over and grunted. It wasn’t Miles, so what the fuck did it matter?

“Alex! It’s about Miles and its fucking important, so either open the door or I’ll kick it in!”

Ah shit. It was Matt. He would as well, and how would Alex explain that to the landlord? It would be worse than that time involving their telly, that window and the Gallagher lads…

“Fucking fine, Helders, I’m coming! Just keep your fucking voice down” 

Alex heaved himself off the sofa, still swathed in blankets and stood up shakily. His legs barely supported him and as soon as he had the door open he sagged against the frame.

Matt’s breath seemed to whoosh out of him. “What the actual hell mate, you look like shit. Serious, death-warmed-up shit.”

“Yeah, thanks, I feel like it too. That’s cold turkey for you” Alex replied, still leaning on the doorframe and not inviting Matt in.

“Wait, you’re going cold turkey? Miles said…I mean, I was under the impression that this was supposed to be a sort of last hurrah for you. You know, before you…”

“Are carted off in a straight jacket to some stone cold hospital where I’m forced to wear a velour tracksuit and eat my meals with a spork? Well, I was planning on avoiding that, actually…”

Matt pushed past Alex, nearly making him fall over, and walked into the kitchen where he leant against the counter. 

“Alex…you can’t do this on your own” he said softly

“I know, and that’s why I need Miles! Where the fuck is he, and why hasn’t he come home yet? I need him” Alex added the last bit almost under his breath in a flat voice, and Matt’s heart went out to him.

“Listen, mate, about Miles…there’s something I need to tell you. You might want to sit down.”

Alex walked over to one of the bar stools set up against the counter and sat.

“Shit. Shit shit shit shit. I can’t…fuck. Bollocks. What is it?”

Matt drew a deep breath. “Yesterday…Miles was in a car accident”

The kitchen immediately swam in front of Alex’s eyes and his lungs felt like they’d been vacuum packed.

“Shit, no, Al, he’s fine, he’s alive” Matt hurriedly added, grabbing Alex’s shoulders, “He’s alive. He’s at the hospital, and…well, he isn’t exactly conscious. The doctors had to do an emergency operation to relieve some of the pressure in his brain caused by the crash. His vitals are all fine, and he’s supposed to wake up soon. He’ll be fine”

Alex’s head continued to swim with this information. “But what if he’s not?” he asked in a very small voice.

“That isn’t an option Alex. Miles is a fighter, we both know that, and he’ll pull through. We’ve just got to give him time.” 

Matt leant over and wrapped his thick arms around Alex. “I was gonna ask if you wanted to see him, but you aren’t really in any condition to. And Christ, I can feel your ribs. Have you even been eating?”

Alex didn’t reply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> god, i am fucking this up for everybody. this will probably be longer than 6 chapters, because my keyboard just runs away with me sometimes.... thanks for reading, and dont forget to K&C! x


	6. Chapter 6

Alex sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He’d been staring at it for the last three hours, and it hadn’t changed much in that time. The black dots that had appeared on it could just be from his eyes however…Jesus. 

Matt wasn’t due to arrive for another hour – he’d been checking up on Alex every day for the last five days, bringing him food or cooking for him, and making sure Alex hadn’t choked to death on his own vomit, basically. 

Alex always tried to make sure he appeared as some semblance of normal for Matt’s visits. He sat on the sofa instead of on the floor, and made sure he had a book or the TV on so Matt wouldn’t know he was just staring into space the rest of the time. That he wasn’t really seeing what he was looking at – the words on the page or the brightly coloured TV characters had no meaning to him. He couldn’t get interested in anything. 

Sooner than expected, there was a knock on the door. God, his time judgement had gotten crap since his hours had been warped by the never-ending pain, and the empty feeling in his chest Miles had left. The empty feeling in his gut from not eating matched that as well, but Alex cared fuck all about that. Caring for himself just didn’t seem a priority right now. 

“Alex, what the fuck?” Matt said straight away, barging past the smaller boy into the flat. “Have you showered, eaten or in fact done anything at all today besides lying on the floor?”

“How did you know I was lying on the floor?” Alex countered.

“Oh please, there’s practically a snow angel on the carpet where you’ve been lying down”

Alex whipped his head around and then squawked indignantly, “No there isn’t!”

Matt smirked and said, “Made you look though, didn’t I?” He started making them both a cup of tea while Alex perched on the bar stool, an established routine between them now. 

“Anyway, mate, I’ve got good news for you! Don’t overexcite yourself, now, cos by the look of it you’ll break a rib but – Miles. He’s awake.”

Alex jumped up straight away, staggering slightly, clutching the countertop. “When can I see him?”

Matt grabbed his shoulder, “Sit back down, Alex. Not now. Not for a while. He’s awake, but he’s still in hospital. And you definitely can’t see him in that state. As soon as you walk in the hospital, they’ll think you’re a patient.”

 

Alex stares at him in disbelief. Who the fuck did Matt think he was, trying to stop him from seeing Miles? And what was up with all these fucking ‘jokes’ about Alex being thin? He hadn’t been eating that badly, surely…

Matt was still babbling about visiting times and hospital protocol, and Alex waited for him to trail off before looking him square in the eye and asking, again, “When can I see him?”

Matt blew out a long breath in a huff. “Two days. If, in two days time, when I visit, you are dressed and have been eating properly and according to the schedule of normal human beings – that means all three meals, at appropriate times – then, and only then, will we visit Miles. 

“You don’t think he’ll be out of hospital by then?” Alex questioned tentatively. 

Matt looked sad for a moment, then grabbed Alex in another hug. He didn’t reply, and the hope that had been momentarily restored in Alex’s heart was gone, just like that.


End file.
